Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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