You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
