I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am naked and annoyed.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
