Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
