He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
