I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
