Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
