Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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