So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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