just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
