Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you are never too drunk for berry picking
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
