found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
