Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize