Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
