my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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