Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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