Just cropdusted the office
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize