I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
