I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
