I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
