She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
did i just pee glitter
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
