okay pat passed out under dana's car
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
