and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
