'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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