This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
