'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
