I'm really into asian looking animals
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
