Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
