just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
