he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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