I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
