Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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