I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
