1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
