at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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