oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
