I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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