No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
