She said her name was "party"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
