can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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