im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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