I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
