If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
