yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
