I want to walk on stilts...naked
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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