So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
