Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
