is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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