yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
