never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
