i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
