I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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