And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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