Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
