dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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