So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
