Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
