am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Randomize
