24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
