you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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