Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
