Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
