well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
