She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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