"it" just moved
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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