i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
