Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
