literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
