I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
